Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Hopscotch - 10/30

you tire me
and i play.
in your state of confusion
your mind games entangle me.
deception,
complex webs,
chaos surrounds.
i no longer wish to be apart of your past-time entertainment.
stop, go, skip, jump, turn, jump here, jump there
you control me.
make attempts of fabricating me into a little you
your life-sized doll
and
for too long i allowed you to succeed.
like a horse attached to its bridle
i moved, spoke, thought at your every command.
i was what you wanted me to be.
engulfed in all aspects of you
i lost sight of myself.
thoughts of me faded into your abyss
and i
stuttered into a dismal state of nothing-ness.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Haiku - 9/30

reaching for a touch
your spirit is a figment
in dreams you appear


Haiku - 8/30

today is your choice
now freedom or destruction
the future awaits

Stolen - 7/30

i have no feeling.
my tears are frozen
heart beats slow, heavy.
sitting, pondering, wondering
when will it be over?
when will this end?
incessantly being spoon-fed
bitterness,
your empty promises, and
pregnant lies,
i suffer.
spending energy and losing time
on useless efforts
trying to gain an understanding
on some common ground.
yet, only to lose my footing.
with each step forward you push me back
back
to the starting line
and away from you.
i once hoped for our starts to last forever
i once dreamed of never ending ends
i once yearned for our spirits constantly singing songs
but now this dance has been interrupted
halted, paused.
will this union be complete
or will your fear once again steal my rightful place and take its seat?
will you build more walls to keep me captured
knowing your lead is toward destruction?
or will you answer to the truth that knocks
pulls at heart strings?
Your answer is no for you fail to believe in us after all that's been done.

Haiku - 6/30

take my hand in yours
together we can be one
the future is ours

The Black House - 5/30

Peace and love personifies this dwelling
Allowing us to be arise to warm greetings,
Polite no's
Intoxicating yes's
Liberating I Love You's.
Peace treaty unnecessary because
Well wishes abound as
Fuzzy slippers march into love for breakfast
Mother father brother sister bow heads,
Spirits synced
Give thanks - thanks giving at all times
For even at adversity's door
There are songs of peace and light
Hymns of joy.
Contentment.
Freedom.
This family is free.

Touch - 4/30

Enter me.
Make me scream your name.
Breathe into me
And
Explore every facet of my hidden self
Every minute detail of that soft space
Every moist cavernous turn of
Me...
As artists we have
Possibilities of painting masterpieces
With our sweat
Artworks that the greats would be proud of
Breaths conjoined
Limbs intertwined
Strokes and thrusts
Two moving as one
Enjoying Loving Mesmerizing
More than lust filled sessions
This moment is beauty
Epitomized
Is freedom in natural form
Is what it was meant to be.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Haiku - 3/30

the streets reflect truth

violence love hate abound

yet aid is withheld

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Deafening Silence - 2/30

desperate cries go unheard
un-cared for
unnoticed.
no one cares. no one is present nor aware of this
struggle.
mind locked in solitary confinement
pain doubt confusion lies
i. am. alone.
alone
left
screaming
pleading
yelling
pleading
but no answer.
doesn't anyone hear me?
can't anyone feel me?
feel what i endure time and again after time
disconnected and ashamed,
i remain
screaming.
and then i realize
it's all in my head.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Desolate - 1/30

i reached.
reached for your touch
hoping, yearning to touch more than your empty space.
for, i wanted to hold you close,
and say I Love You's,
whisper sweet somethings into your soul,
lay claim to your future ,
and call it ours.
but you never wanted to love
only use.
unknowingly, i fell into your labyrinth
the lies you crafted around my heart held me captive
with each uttered word and glance provoked
i danced, sung, cried for you
unable to free myself from your embrace.

energy gone.
spirit diminished.
soul broken.

there is nothing left but desperation
and a tear-soaked spirit questioning, why?
asking God, why?
but there was only silence.

and then...

you reached for me
gave me your body and heart
promised me your soul and future.
your love for me became
genuine,
pure,
unequivocally true
but when i touched you
i felt

nothing.

Friday, November 20, 2009

reminisce

I'll always remember the time you touched my heart
No one has ever entered so deep so far
But then you pushed me to the limit made me to hurt
And I tried.
I try to forget you but I always remember the pain
Its you its all just you in me.
Don't want so much don't need you more
but I always remember
That I no longer receive your love.
Sad and empty, I cry. Desperate and alone, I cry.
Remember, I used to be just all yours...
I. Wanted.
Wanted you to be someone special,
wanted you to be someone pure
wanted you with understanding
wanted you to be more.
More
than a treat
more
than my heart
more
than something special...
I yearned for you to be all mine with no false securities
just wanted you to be you for me alone.
Irreplaceable feeling
Untraceable desires
Wanted pleasurable things with you
More than a dim lite fire.
You, me wanting, watching pausing waiting yearning earning needing each other.
Love.

goodbye, love

i know how to do it but i just don't love
the morning after walk of shames that leaves a shamed taste
on microscopic taste buds filled with your scent
a shamed taste on sweet lips guilty of truths never told of
hidden details behind a curtain to present
a present of mystery beneath the
ebb and flow
beneath the folds of this beautiful flower
budding with possibilities, capabilities of enthralling another
i grow towards the door every time i dream of the radiance of your sun
and envision dancing upon the embrace and deep currents
of your heart beating love rapid currents
fluttering our souls dear do we embark upon the seed of intention
with each passing flutter,
more real than the last,
more intoxicating to the touch,
more alive than before,
i cannot help but give in
how do we stop the start of yes when there isnt any no?
i know how to but i just dont love
walking away from your touch

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

miscarried

joy has transformed into sorrow
my tears and bitterness fall
staining my cheeks washing away my smile.
you have left me empty once again.
no longer will i dream of spending quiet moments with you
no longer will i yearn for our souls to meet on that kindred plane
where nothing else remains
where there is no remnant of the implausible of doubt nor shame
for i see your truth
and it is barren.
like winter trees
barren.
like the woman with the issue of blood
barren.
barren yet continually pushing out her love and hope for another who is willing to see past her faults
past the hidden mistakes and secrets
and look into the possibility of a new creation.
i reached for you, for your heart, for a touch
only to be shunned once again.
for you,
pain was endured
for you,
hours of contractions one after another
yet,
this love
miscarried.
now i lie alone, staring into space eternal...

Friday, October 30, 2009

Glass Slipper

i thought these feelings for him were
over.
done with.
done away with.
swept under the rug.
never to be experienced again.
yet, over and again
panoramic images, thoughts
envisions of us
re-emerge in my mind.
envisions of what we could be and do have surfaced
now reside at the crescent of my consciousness
why?
why does this never cease to fade and stay away...
is it because the one that now holds my hand
is slowly pulling away
is slowly removing himself from a pictured us...
why do i feel a stronger connection with each passing glance,
and intermittent touch?
each exchange of words connect us further than
ever previously imagined.
truthfully,
in pure honest form,
i look forward to encounters with him
i anticipate seeing him physically and
look forward to the metaphysical plane that we dance upon.
secretly,
i await the moment for his lips to touch mine
and for that instant,
that moment,
watch all fears and questions and doubt
dissipate into
time suspended.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Sometimes, Sh*t's Real

"do you want to spend forever with me"
he implored
as our eyes met in the dark
and rekindled an affection that was soon to be extinct
soon to be blown out by turbulent winds and distrustful eyes of those around.

a lifetime.

"do you want to spend forever with me?"

a lifetime.

how do i answer?
how am i to answer
knowing that I believed his love to be true
and that our love emerged during
beginningless time
Yet
all he was filled with were lies
he filled my heart
lie upon lie upon false truths
made promises never intended to be kept
and
never even knew what love truly was, is, and can be.
and so now the I alone remains
and as i in solitary sit in this dark space only one question remains:
how am i to spend forever with you when you never intended to spend one year with me,
never intended to spend a pure moment with me,
with an us in the making?

Things. Fall. Apart.

confusion
pain and disappointment now reside where
i falsely believed
love and comfort once lived.
night after morning after night i
stared at a distant love
distant
i questioned why?
why your side of the bed remained empty
cold
and now all that stares back at me is an ugly truth
your. ugly. truth.
you have stifled me with your filth
your intangible, fleeting self.
a self that is shamed and afraid by the prospect of something as true as pure as my love
as pure and as true as what i longed to give you
longed to sing songs for lovers only for you.
now, nothing else remains
but hope and
a life's time still searching for its prototype
searching for truth manifested in physical form.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

snapshots

can you picture it?
picture us
writing on the pages
blank pages
of this Great Book
of life
our life
life completed.
breathing life into each other
half circles
finally joined as one.
can you picture it?
picture us
loving
blissful rhapsody
epitomized in natural form
your beauty astounds me
encircles and
wraps me in its cocoon.
can you picture it?
your missing rib has been returned
mine, has found its home.

Monday, August 24, 2009

in truth

i'm sad.
jealous.
left without words.
because,
i want you
and you are meant to be with me
yet,
another came and stole my place.

an open book revisted

droplets of kisses
one upon the other like t.h.i.s.
just the ways i like
enjoying
these quiet moments
eternity stepped into time
time
suspended
suspensions of soft whispers
into my home, home, my dome
this house
can be your home
for time immemorial
beyond structures of carnality
into other world levels of knowing
seeing
be-ing
these bodies have become one
harmoniously
kissing you
breath escapes me
and enters you

as we touch
you hold my innermost fears

as we lay here
i am lost in your embrace
never wanting the feeling
the experience...
you...
to end.

for loving you is easy
and
loving me can be speechless.

speechless

you and me could never be
for you are with she
and i am left without thee
without a love to call my own
left alone
it is dark
in this abyss.
although
i could make you scream my name
time and time and time
again
make you become a better person and
explore hidden possibilities
positions unending
love immeasurable
you repeatedly choose another
continuously
neglect all that i am all that i can do and all that we can be.
why?
you consciously choose to ignore the love that we can share
why?
the passion that can be ours?
i am perplexed.
confused.
dumbfounded and lost.
the last time we share the space, this space alone
you touched me in ways i never thought possible
and i made you moan in ways that you never did
in ways that she never could.
beyond the physicality of it all
i truly believed
truly felt sure
that you were meant to be with me
meant to hold me and trust me
as i hold you in my dreams
is it fear that keeps you away?
are you too engrossed in the various games these lesser ones present to you
for you to notice me?
are you too enthralled in the physical motions to take note of what happens in the between
of us two?

iwantyou.

ineedyou.

what else can i say?how else can i be?what else can i do?for you to see me to be with me take note of me...

when will we be?


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

ellipses

you.

these words are inadequate
my
thoughts are meaningless
for they fail to grasp the
entirety of my emotions for
you.

all i seem to do is contemplate on the
could have beens
the
supposed connection which lies between us two
which seems to only exist in my mind
yet,
what am i to make of the engaged-in conversations
when we share the space alone?
how am i to explain away
the way you can see and know me
without an exchange of words?
what am i to make of your touch
and
the way you caressed more than my face
as we explored that forbidden kiss?

you.
you are
my dot dot dot
you.
you are
my question mark
you.
are not mine.

with each passing day i
make attempts at forgetting you
attempt
to erase images from my subconscious mind
and conscious being
your images
yet all that i am capable of is creating new ones
fabricating various play by plays of places that we travel to
and names we call our children
and
destines that await us...

yet,
now with eyes wide open
i am reminded that
you
are not mine
that
you
chose not me
that
you
love another each night
that
a we could never be
and i am forever lost in the
unknown space
between the
dot dot dot.

imaginations

i love you.


Afraid to say it before hand
But now as days pass
And turn into weeks
Transforming
Into months
No longer can I deny the
Emotions that well up
Inside of me.

Each time I see you,
Hear your name, and touch you...
Emotions there since
Catching your eye that
Fateful day
Phrases like
"love at first sight"
Cannot comprehend the
Emotion
Desire
That I have to give you
All
Of
Me...

You
You
We.
I will be your all.
I will be the all that you have
Yet to envision.
I want to hold you.
Encourage you.
Believe in us.
As I
Dream of the day that
Our spirits can kiss again...

I live in incessant dreams
Which overpower me...
I live in fantasies each night
Imagining you
Laying next to me
Then
Awaking to the realities of
Loneliness again and again
And again
And...

As I see the body laying next to mine
That is not yours
Emptiness surrounds me
And I am left to find
Solace in the
Imaginations
Of you.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

the ugly truth

is it fear that keeps prevents halts you from loving me?

he was supposed to be my dream, my every dream answered

he was meant to answer the calls of my heart and

put aside my every hidden fear, live in my embrace, and caress me in his.

yet, as of late all that surrounds me is

emptiness

so desperately I yearned for his touch, kiss, and love

so long I waited

with

too many nights spent creating tear-stained sheets consumed with bitterness

and

disappointment

and in this now i fear that my love for him has diminished…

if this is true then what did I really have?

does love, can love

fade as quickly as the sounds those three words make as they escape one’s lips?

i once believed true, unquestioning love was only strengthened by distance

and reaffirmed by words unspoken

yet as these minutes metamorph into days all I ache for is to be loved

loved equally. loved passionately. loved physically.

his kisses no longer ellicit feelings of clouds and sunshine

i no longer smile on the inside when I hear his name

no longer catch my breath in that space between that space

i fear what this could mean

i fear

because

his fear is present

and

has left me falling

into

uncertainty.

examine your truth: what are you afraid of?

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Past Tense Present

so quickly i fell
into depths unknown
yet unafraid
of what lay
waiting behind your smile
waiting in your caress
waiting
subconsciously aware of your
open arms
waiting
for my touch
waiting
for my arrival
waiting
for a love in its purest form
love
me loving you loving me
loving
this love was there before
you knew my name
before
i knew your scent
was there
before
we first embraced.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Free Love

Since the days of prehistoric times when means of communication was relegated to drawings on cavernous walls, love was expressed through dowries being exchanged, and marriages were the joining of two families rather than solely two souls they have said nothing in this world is free. They said. They said one couldn’t receive without first giving. They said one of life’s biggest joys was when two individuals cleaved to each other and created bliss. Yet, as of late, this age-old theorem has been threatened. As revolutionaries did with the Iron Curtain, new-age thinkers have dismantled the seemingly indestructible and indomitable walls of what love is supposed to look, taste, feel, sound, and be like.

It is as if the word ‘monogamy’ has been eradicated from our consciousness. Now, words such as polyamorous abound and people wholly dedicate themselves to multiple partners. Polyamory is the philosophical and emotional state of being in love or romantically involved with more than one person at a time. In layman’s terms, it is the loving and giving totally of one’s self to various partners without restriction or reservation. This lifestyle is meant to be freeing, unquestioning, and satisfying. More specifically, it is meant to answer the innate, dare I say animalistic, desire of all humans to be unrestrained and unbridled with their sexual appetite.


I cannot help but conjecture what Sigmund Freud would say about this Movement. Would he declare that humans are finally obeying the clandestine desires of their Id, or would he proclaim that we have perhaps gone too far in our quest for sexual freedom?


Is it truly our innate desires finally being heard and answered or is it a stronger pull for instant gratification on a more primal level? Followers of this movement claim that being free is what we all yearn for and they are the brave ones who have answered that call. My question is simply this: is this Free Love Movement truly the answer to our primal needs or is it, more sadly, a reaction to our deepest fear: commitment.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Exclamations

say it.
say it to me
scream it from rooftops
that you love
me
that you need
me
that you can't
live
without me
for in your eyes and
the language
of your body
the sentiment is evident
...
you, me, we - as one
together hum tunes
of joy
we, explore moments
of peace
we, fabricate continuous
pages expansive
lullabies
in the Book of Life
Life
living as one
be-ing as it was
truly meant to be
the promises we share, share
fail to compare to others
as we softly
gently
envision
memories of togetherness

so just
say it...
"I love you"

say it...
"I need you"

say it...

I. Am. Yours.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Pureness of Song

looking into
entranced by your gaze
your eyes
i experience your 
beauty
never knowing 
nor believing 
it could be like this
you took my fears away
cast them into seas forgetful
and held my spirit in 
your embrace
i.
love.
adore.
cherish.
you...
and all that we will be
nothing else matters now
for you 
you
you
and me
now sing 
songs of completion
songs of bliss
melodious sounds
sighs... breaths
breathing
exhaling
sharing this now
this moment... and those to come
dreams to be manifested
and enjoyed
so please
take me by the hand 
and allow the world to witness
the purity of this love
purity of your smile
purity of your touch
of your spirit
your essence
our song.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Once Deferred, Now Actualized

Peaceful. Stress-free. Love. Family. Friends. Warmth. Support. This is Accra, Ghana. This was home.

Five years ago David Dosoo immigrated to New York City with a dream on a promise from his uncle. He yearned for better educational opportunities and a realistic chance at pursuing his dream, his passion, his love – music.

Aware that he would miss his family and friends he still made the decision to journey by himself to this unknown land. Pushing his emotions aside David focused on achieving his goals by “making decisions that will not only benefit me, but others.” This method, however, did not last. “It became harder with time. After two years it was a different plateau. It hit me later.”

His dreams, fueled by anticipation and passion, soon came to a screeching halt. Promises of aid and support were broken. Already experiencing harsh loneliness and isolation from strangers and other ethnic groups who ostracized him, instead of going to school, David was home for two years. “Everything was at a standstill. That was a major, major breaking point for me. I was a teenager, you know, It’s like telling a five year old ‘Hey, listen, I’m going to get you a lollipop’ and then you don’t.”

This was not the image, the vision he painted for himself. Loneliness, grief, hurt and regret engulfed his mind.

“For the first two, three years every day I had a wet pillow. I’m dying. I’m going to die young. It was hard.” David could not share in the growth of siblings. He did not have many friends. Stereotypes, his accent, and nationality made him the target of merciless comments and judgments. He had no insurance, no social security, no comfort, no one to lean on or trust. “If anything happens to you right now, if you get sick, get hit by a car, you have no one.” This was his life.

Fortunately, there was a saving grace. After service one day at Love Gospel Assembly David had an encounter with Sylvia. One comment changed his situation. “ ‘My name is David, and when praise and worship was going on I kept having a feeling for you to be my mom.’ She didn’t say anything, and she just gave me the biggest hug ever.” Immediately, David found peace in the embrace of his godmother. They provided a home and the support he desperately desired. They kept him going. He found happiness.

Today, David cries less and believes things will work out. He has learned to persevere, experiences joy, and is accepting the growing process.

“My dream today is to accomplish my educational ambitions and my inborn talents in terms of music, and have a beautiful family. Nothing more. Nothing less.”

video

Haiku #12

i dream of a dream

of dreams divinely given

given 
of 
me 
by 
you.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

This Here Identity

I am from 11 Ritchie Street

Ste. Madeleine, West Indies, Trinbago

Red front steps

Curry chicken and dhal porie roti

 

I am from mosquito nets, Milo, Ovaltine, Klim

Shark & bake, Maracas Beach

 

I am from beaches, trees that

Reach the sky

Coconut trees & liming

Soca & calypso

 

I am from a place  where people smile

Where people greet, where people

Enjoy life…life…life…

Enjoy life…

 

I am from sugar cane plantations

Mixed heritages of British, French, Dutch, Spanish

African

Workers, hard workers

Ancestors working hard

Sweat mixed with blood

Mixed with tears

Lashes after lashes after lashes

Stripped identities

Destroyed families

Cultures eradicated, erased,

Forgotten…

 

I am from educated people

People working, always searching

For more…

 

Wisdom, knowledge…more…

Truth…more

High knowledge

Higher learning

Searching for more life

For more life

More life…