Hopscotch - 10/30

you tire me

and i play.

in your state of confusion

your mind games entangle me.

deception,

complex webs,

chaos surrounds.

i no longer wish to be apart of your past-time entertainment.

stop, go, skip, jump, turn, jump here, jump there

you control me.

make attempts of fabricating me into a little you

your life-sized doll

and

for too long i allowed you to succeed.

like a horse attached to its bridle

i moved, spoke, thought at your every command.

i was what you wanted me to be.

engulfed in all aspects of you

i lost sight of myself.

thoughts of me faded into your abyss

and i

stuttered into a dismal state of nothing-ness.

Haiku - 9/30

reaching for a touch

your spirit is a figment

in dreams you appear

Haiku - 8/30

today is your choice

now freedom or destruction

the future awaits

Stolen - 7/30

i have no feeling.

my tears are frozen

heart beats slow, heavy.

sitting, pondering, wondering

when will it be over?

when will this end?

incessantly being spoon-fed

bitterness,

your empty promises, and

pregnant lies,

i suffer.

spending energy and losing time

on useless efforts

trying to gain an understanding

on some common ground.

yet, only to lose my footing.

with each step forward you push me back

back

to the starting line

and away from you.

i once hoped for our starts to last forever

i once dreamed of never ending ends

i once yearned for our spirits constantly singing songs

but now this dance has been interrupted

halted, paused.

will this union be complete

or will your fear once again steal my rightful place and take its seat?

will you build more walls to keep me captured

knowing your lead is toward destruction?

or will you answer to the truth that knocks

pulls at heart strings?

Your answer is no for you fail to believe in us after all that's been done.

Haiku - 6/30

take my hand in yours

together we can be one

the future is ours

The Black House - 5/30

Peace and love personifies this dwelling

Allowing us to be arise to warm greetings,

Polite no's

Intoxicating yes's

Liberating I Love You's.

Peace treaty unnecessary because

Well wishes abound as

Fuzzy slippers march into love for breakfast

Mother father brother sister bow heads,

Spirits synced

Give thanks - thanks giving at all times

For even at adversity's door

There are songs of peace and light

Hymns of joy.

Contentment.

Freedom.

This family is free.

Touch - 4/30

Enter me.

Make me scream your name.

Breathe into me

And

Explore every facet of my hidden self

Every minute detail of that soft space

Every moist cavernous turn of

Me...

As artists we have

Possibilities of painting masterpieces

With our sweat

Artworks that the greats would be proud of

Breaths conjoined

Limbs intertwined

Strokes and thrusts

Two moving as one

Enjoying Loving Mesmerizing

More than lust filled sessions

This moment is beauty

Epitomized

Is freedom in natural form

Is what it was meant to be.

Haiku - 3/30

the streets reflect truth

violence love hate abound

yet aid is withheld

Deafening Silence - 2/30

desperate cries go unheard

un-cared for

unnoticed.

no one cares. no one is present nor aware of this

struggle.

mind locked in solitary confinement

pain doubt confusion lies

i. am. alone.

alone

left

screaming

pleading

yelling

pleading

but no answer.

doesn't anyone hear me?

can't anyone feel me?

feel what i endure time and again after time

disconnected and ashamed,

i remain

screaming.

and then i realize

it's all in my head.

Desolate - 1/30

i reached.

reached for your touch

hoping, yearning to touch more than your empty space.

for, i wanted to hold you close,

and say I Love You's,

whisper sweet somethings into your soul,

lay claim to your future ,

and call it ours.

but you never wanted to love

only use.

unknowingly, i fell into your labyrinth

the lies you crafted around my heart held me captive

with each uttered word and glance provoked

i danced, sung, cried for you

unable to free myself from your embrace.

energy gone.

spirit diminished.

soul broken.

there is nothing left but desperation

and a tear-soaked spirit questioning, why?

asking God, why?

but there was only silence.

and then...

you reached for me

gave me your body and heart

promised me your soul and future.

your love for me became

genuine,

pure,

unequivocally true

but when i touched you

i felt

nothing.

reminisce

I'll always remember the time you touched my heart
No one has ever entered so deep so far

But then you pushed me to the limit made me to hurt
And I tried.
I try to forget you but I always remember the pain
Its you its all just you in me.
Don't want so much don't need you more

but I always remember

That I no longer receive your love.
Sad and empty, I cry. Desperate and alone, I cry.
Remember, I used to be just all yours...

I. Wanted.

Wanted you to be someone special,
wanted you to be someone pure
wanted you with understanding
wanted you to be more.
More
than a treat
more
than my heart
more
than something special...

I yearned for you to be all mine with no false securities

just wanted you to be you for me alone.

Irreplaceable feeling

Untraceable desires
Wanted pleasurable things with you
More than a dim lite fire.
You, me wanting, watching pausing waiting yearning earning needing each other.
Love.

goodbye, love

i know how to do it but i just don't love

the morning after walk of shames that leaves a shamed taste

on microscopic taste buds filled with your scent

a shamed taste on sweet lips guilty of truths never told of

hidden details behind a curtain to present

a present of mystery beneath the

ebb and flow

beneath the folds of this beautiful flower

budding with possibilities, capabilities of enthralling another

i grow towards the door every time i dream of the radiance of your sun

and envision dancing upon the embrace and deep currents

of your heart beating love rapid currents

fluttering our souls dear do we embark upon the seed of intention

with each passing flutter,

more real than the last,

more intoxicating to the touch,

more alive than before,

i cannot help but give in

how do we stop the start of yes when there isnt any no?

i know how to but i just dont love

walking away from your touch

miscarried

joy has transformed into sorrow

my tears and bitterness fall

staining my cheeks washing away my smile.

you have left me empty once again.

no longer will i dream of spending quiet moments with you

no longer will i yearn for our souls to meet on that kindred plane

where nothing else remains

where there is no remnant of the implausible of doubt nor shame

for i see your truth

and it is barren.

like winter trees

barren.

like the woman with the issue of blood

barren.

barren yet continually pushing out her love and hope for another who is willing to see past her faults

past the hidden mistakes and secrets

and look into the possibility of a new creation.

i reached for you, for your heart, for a touch

only to be shunned once again.

for you,

pain was endured

for you,

hours of contractions one after another

yet,

this love

miscarried.

now i lie alone, staring into space eternal...

Glass Slipper

i thought these feelings for him were

over.

done with.

done away with.

swept under the rug.

never to be experienced again.

yet, over and again

panoramic images, thoughts

envisions of us

re-emerge in my mind.

envisions of what we could be and do have surfaced

now reside at the crescent of my consciousness

why?

why does this never cease to fade and stay away...

is it because the one that now holds my hand

is slowly pulling away

is slowly removing himself from a pictured us...

why do i feel a stronger connection with each passing glance,

and intermittent touch?

each exchange of words connect us further than

ever previously imagined.

truthfully,

in pure honest form,

i look forward to encounters with him

i anticipate seeing him physically and

look forward to the metaphysical plane that we dance upon.

secretly,

i await the moment for his lips to touch mine

and for that instant,

that moment,

watch all fears and questions and doubt

dissipate into

time suspended.

Sometimes, Sh*t's Real

"do you want to spend forever with me"

he implored

as our eyes met in the dark

and rekindled an affection that was soon to be extinct

soon to be blown out by turbulent winds and distrustful eyes of those around.

a lifetime.

"do you want to spend forever with me?"

a lifetime.

how do i answer?

how am i to answer

knowing that I believed his love to be true

and that our love emerged during

beginningless time

Yet

all he was filled with were lies

he filled my heart

lie upon lie upon false truths

made promises never intended to be kept

and

never even knew what love truly was, is, and can be.

and so now the I alone remains

and as i in solitary sit in this dark space only one question remains:

how am i to spend forever with you when you never intended to spend one year with me,

never intended to spend a pure moment with me,

with an us in the making?

Things. Fall. Apart.

confusion

pain and disappointment now reside where

i falsely believed

love and comfort once lived.

night after morning after night i

stared at a distant love

distant

i questioned why?

why your side of the bed remained empty

cold

and now all that stares back at me is an ugly truth

your. ugly. truth.

you have stifled me with your filth

your intangible, fleeting self.

a self that is shamed and afraid by the prospect of something as true as pure as my love

as pure and as true as what i longed to give you

longed to sing songs for lovers only for you.

now, nothing else remains

but hope and

a life's time still searching for its prototype

searching for truth manifested in physical form.

snapshots

can you picture it?

picture us

writing on the pages

blank pages

of this Great Book

of life

our life

life completed.

breathing life into each other

half circles

finally joined as one.

can you picture it?

picture us

loving

blissful rhapsody

epitomized in natural form

your beauty astounds me

encircles and

wraps me in its cocoon.

can you picture it?

your missing rib has been returned

mine, has found its home.

in truth

i'm sad.

jealous.

left without words.

because,

i want you

and you are meant to be with me

yet,

another came and stole my place.

an open book revisted

droplets of kisses

one upon the other like t.h.i.s.

just the ways i like

enjoying

these quiet moments

eternity stepped into time

time

suspended

suspensions of soft whispers

into my home, home, my dome

this house

can be your home

for time immemorial

beyond structures of carnality

into other world levels of knowing

seeing

be-ing

these bodies have become one

harmoniously

kissing you

breath escapes me

and enters you

as we touch

you hold my innermost fears

as we lay here

i am lost in your embrace

never wanting the feeling

the experience...

you...

to end.

for loving you is easy

and

loving me can be speechless.

speechless

you and me could never be

for you are with she

and i am left without thee

without a love to call my own

left alone

it is dark

in this abyss.

although

i could make you scream my name

time and time and time

again

make you become a better person and

explore hidden possibilities

positions unending

love immeasurable

you repeatedly choose another

continuously

neglect all that i am all that i can do and all that we can be.

why?

you consciously choose to ignore the love that we can share

why?

the passion that can be ours?

i am perplexed.

confused.

dumbfounded and lost.

the last time we share the space, this space alone

you touched me in ways i never thought possible

and i made you moan in ways that you never did

in ways that she never could.

beyond the physicality of it all

i truly believed

truly felt sure

that you were meant to be with me

meant to hold me and trust me

as i hold you in my dreams

is it fear that keeps you away?

are you too engrossed in the various games these lesser ones present to you

for you to notice me?

are you too enthralled in the physical motions to take note of what happens in the between

of us two?

iwantyou.

ineedyou.

what else can i say?how else can i be?what else can i do?for you to see me to be with me take note of me...

when will we be?

ellipses

you.

these words are inadequate

my

thoughts are meaningless

for they fail to grasp the

entirety of my emotions for

you.

all i seem to do is contemplate on the

could have beens

the

supposed connection which lies between us two

which seems to only exist in my mind

yet,

what am i to make of the engaged-in conversations

when we share the space alone?

how am i to explain away

the way you can see and know me

without an exchange of words?

what am i to make of your touch

and

the way you caressed more than my face

as we explored that forbidden kiss?

you.

you are

my dot dot dot

you.

you are

my question mark

you.

are not mine.

with each passing day i

make attempts at forgetting you

attempt

to erase images from my subconscious mind

and conscious being

your images

yet all that i am capable of is creating new ones

fabricating various play by plays of places that we travel to

and names we call our children

and

destines that await us...

yet,

now with eyes wide open

i am reminded that

you

are not mine

that

you

chose not me

that

you

love another each night

that

a we could never be

and i am forever lost in the

unknown space

between the

dot dot dot.

imaginations

i love you.

Afraid to say it before hand

But now as days pass

And turn into weeks

Transforming

Into months

No longer can I deny the

Emotions that well up

Inside of me.

Each time I see you,

Hear your name, and touch you...

Emotions there since

Catching your eye that

Fateful day

Phrases like

"love at first sight"

Cannot comprehend the

Emotion

Desire

That I have to give you

All

Of

Me...

You

You

We.

I will be your all.

I will be the all that you have

Yet to envision.

I want to hold you.

Encourage you.

Believe in us.

As I

Dream of the day that

Our spirits can kiss again...

I live in incessant dreams

Which overpower me...

I live in fantasies each night

Imagining you

Laying next to me

Then

Awaking to the realities of

Loneliness again and again

And again

And...

As I see the body laying next to mine

That is not yours

Emptiness surrounds me

And I am left to find

Solace in the

Imaginations

Of you.

the ugly truth

is it fear that keeps prevents halts you from loving me?

he was supposed to be my dream, my every dream answered

he was meant to answer the calls of my heart and

put aside my every hidden fear, live in my embrace, and caress me in his.

yet, as of late all that surrounds me is

emptiness

so desperately I yearned for his touch, kiss, and love

so long I waited

with

too many nights spent creating tear-stained sheets consumed with bitterness

and

disappointment

and in this now i fear that my love for him has diminished…

if this is true then what did I really have?

does love, can love

fade as quickly as the sounds those three words make as they escape one’s lips?

i once believed true, unquestioning love was only strengthened by distance

and reaffirmed by words unspoken

yet as these minutes metamorph into days all I ache for is to be loved

loved equally. loved passionately. loved physically.

his kisses no longer ellicit feelings of clouds and sunshine

i no longer smile on the inside when I hear his name

no longer catch my breath in that space between that space

i fear what this could mean

i fear

because

his fear is present

and

has left me falling

into

uncertainty.

examine your truth: what are you afraid of?

Past Tense Present

so quickly i fell

into depths unknown

yet unafraid

of what lay

waiting behind your smile

waiting in your caress

waiting

subconsciously aware of your

open arms

waiting

for my touch

waiting

for my arrival

waiting

for a love in its purest form

love

me loving you loving me

loving

this love was there before

you knew my name

before

i knew your scent

was there

before

we first embraced.

Free Love

Since the days of prehistoric times when means of communication was relegated to drawings on cavernous walls, love was expressed through dowries being exchanged, and marriages were the joining of two families rather than solely two souls they have said nothing in this world is free. They said. They said one couldn’t receive without first giving. They said one of life’s biggest joys was when two individuals cleaved to each other and created bliss. Yet, as of late, this age-old theorem has been threatened. As revolutionaries did with the Iron Curtain, new-age thinkers have dismantled the seemingly indestructible and indomitable walls of what love is supposed to look, taste, feel, sound, and be like.

It is as if the word ‘monogamy’ has been eradicated from our consciousness. Now, words such as polyamorous abound and people wholly dedicate themselves to multiple partners. Polyamory is the philosophical and emotional state of being in love or romantically involved with more than one person at a time. In layman’s terms, it is the loving and giving totally of one’s self to various partners without restriction or reservation. This lifestyle is meant to be freeing, unquestioning, and satisfying. More specifically, it is meant to answer the innate, dare I say animalistic, desire of all humans to be unrestrained and unbridled with their sexual appetite.

I cannot help but conjecture what Sigmund Freud would say about this Movement. Would he declare that humans are finally obeying the clandestine desires of their Id, or would he proclaim that we have perhaps gone too far in our quest for sexual freedom?

Is it truly our innate desires finally being heard and answered or is it a stronger pull for instant gratification on a more primal level? Followers of this movement claim that being free is what we all yearn for and they are the brave ones who have answered that call. My question is simply this: is this Free Love Movement truly the answer to our primal needs or is it, more sadly, a reaction to our deepest fear: commitment.

Exclamations

say it.

say it to me

scream it from rooftops

that you love

me

that you need

me

that you can't

live

without me

for in your eyes and

the language

of your body

the sentiment is evident

...

you, me, we - as one

together hum tunes

of joy

we, explore moments

of peace

we, fabricate continuous

pages expansive

lullabies

in the Book of Life

Life

living as one

be-ing as it was

truly meant to be

the promises we share, share

fail to compare to others

as we softly

gently

envision

memories of togetherness

so just

say it...

"I love you"

say it...

"I need you"

say it...

I. Am. Yours.

Pureness of Song

looking into

entranced by your gaze

your eyes

i experience your 

beauty

never knowing 

nor believing 

it could be like this

you took my fears away

cast them into seas forgetful

and held my spirit in 

your embrace

i.

love.

adore.

cherish.

you...

and all that we will be

nothing else matters now

for you 

you

you

and me

now sing 

songs of completion

songs of bliss

melodious sounds

sighs... breaths

breathing

exhaling

sharing this now

this moment... and those to come

dreams to be manifested

and enjoyed

so please

take me by the hand 

and allow the world to witness

the purity of this love

purity of your smile

purity of your touch

of your spirit

your essence

our song.

Once Deferred, Now Actualized

Peaceful. Stress-free. Love. Family. Friends. Warmth. Support. This is Accra, Ghana. This was home.

Five years ago David Dosoo immigrated to New York City with a dream on a promise from his uncle. He yearned for better educational opportunities and a realistic chance at pursuing his dream, his passion, his love – music.

Aware that he would miss his family and friends he still made the decision to journey by himself to this unknown land. Pushing his emotions aside David focused on achieving his goals by “making decisions that will not only benefit me, but others.” This method, however, did not last. “It became harder with time. After two years it was a different plateau. It hit me later.”

His dreams, fueled by anticipation and passion, soon came to a screeching halt. Promises of aid and support were broken. Already experiencing harsh loneliness and isolation from strangers and other ethnic groups who ostracized him, instead of going to school, David was home for two years. “Everything was at a standstill. That was a major, major breaking point for me. I was a teenager, you know, It’s like telling a five year old ‘Hey, listen, I’m going to get you a lollipop’ and then you don’t.”

This was not the image, the vision he painted for himself. Loneliness, grief, hurt and regret engulfed his mind.

“For the first two, three years every day I had a wet pillow. I’m dying. I’m going to die young. It was hard.” David could not share in the growth of siblings. He did not have many friends. Stereotypes, his accent, and nationality made him the target of merciless comments and judgments. He had no insurance, no social security, no comfort, no one to lean on or trust. “If anything happens to you right now, if you get sick, get hit by a car, you have no one.” This was his life.

Fortunately, there was a saving grace. After service one day at Love Gospel Assembly David had an encounter with Sylvia. One comment changed his situation. “ ‘My name is David, and when praise and worship was going on I kept having a feeling for you to be my mom.’ She didn’t say anything, and she just gave me the biggest hug ever.” Immediately, David found peace in the embrace of his godmother. They provided a home and the support he desperately desired. They kept him going. He found happiness.

Today, David cries less and believes things will work out. He has learned to persevere, experiences joy, and is accepting the growing process.

“My dream today is to accomplish my educational ambitions and my inborn talents in terms of music, and have a beautiful family. Nothing more. Nothing less.”

Haiku #12

i dream of a dream

of dreams divinely given

given 

of 

me 

by 

you.

This Here Identity

I am from 11 Ritchie Street

Ste. Madeleine, West Indies, Trinbago

Red front steps

Curry chicken and dhal porie roti

 

I am from mosquito nets, Milo, Ovaltine, Klim

Shark & bake, Maracas Beach

 

I am from beaches, trees that

Reach the sky

Coconut trees & liming

Soca & calypso

 

I am from a place  where people smile

Where people greet, where people

Enjoy life…life…life…

Enjoy life…

 

I am from sugar cane plantations

Mixed heritages of British, French, Dutch, Spanish

African

Workers, hard workers

Ancestors working hard

Sweat mixed with blood

Mixed with tears

Lashes after lashes after lashes

Stripped identities

Destroyed families

Cultures eradicated, erased,

Forgotten…

 

I am from educated people

People working, always searching

For more…

 

Wisdom, knowledge…more…

Truth…more

High knowledge

Higher learning

Searching for more life

For more life

More life…