snapshots

can you picture it?

picture us

writing on the pages

blank pages

of this Great Book

of life

our life

life completed.

breathing life into each other

half circles

finally joined as one.

can you picture it?

picture us

loving

blissful rhapsody

epitomized in natural form

your beauty astounds me

encircles and

wraps me in its cocoon.

can you picture it?

your missing rib has been returned

mine, has found its home.

in truth

i'm sad.

jealous.

left without words.

because,

i want you

and you are meant to be with me

yet,

another came and stole my place.

an open book revisted

droplets of kisses

one upon the other like t.h.i.s.

just the ways i like

enjoying

these quiet moments

eternity stepped into time

time

suspended

suspensions of soft whispers

into my home, home, my dome

this house

can be your home

for time immemorial

beyond structures of carnality

into other world levels of knowing

seeing

be-ing

these bodies have become one

harmoniously

kissing you

breath escapes me

and enters you

as we touch

you hold my innermost fears

as we lay here

i am lost in your embrace

never wanting the feeling

the experience...

you...

to end.

for loving you is easy

and

loving me can be speechless.

speechless

you and me could never be

for you are with she

and i am left without thee

without a love to call my own

left alone

it is dark

in this abyss.

although

i could make you scream my name

time and time and time

again

make you become a better person and

explore hidden possibilities

positions unending

love immeasurable

you repeatedly choose another

continuously

neglect all that i am all that i can do and all that we can be.

why?

you consciously choose to ignore the love that we can share

why?

the passion that can be ours?

i am perplexed.

confused.

dumbfounded and lost.

the last time we share the space, this space alone

you touched me in ways i never thought possible

and i made you moan in ways that you never did

in ways that she never could.

beyond the physicality of it all

i truly believed

truly felt sure

that you were meant to be with me

meant to hold me and trust me

as i hold you in my dreams

is it fear that keeps you away?

are you too engrossed in the various games these lesser ones present to you

for you to notice me?

are you too enthralled in the physical motions to take note of what happens in the between

of us two?

iwantyou.

ineedyou.

what else can i say?how else can i be?what else can i do?for you to see me to be with me take note of me...

when will we be?

ellipses

you.

these words are inadequate

my

thoughts are meaningless

for they fail to grasp the

entirety of my emotions for

you.

all i seem to do is contemplate on the

could have beens

the

supposed connection which lies between us two

which seems to only exist in my mind

yet,

what am i to make of the engaged-in conversations

when we share the space alone?

how am i to explain away

the way you can see and know me

without an exchange of words?

what am i to make of your touch

and

the way you caressed more than my face

as we explored that forbidden kiss?

you.

you are

my dot dot dot

you.

you are

my question mark

you.

are not mine.

with each passing day i

make attempts at forgetting you

attempt

to erase images from my subconscious mind

and conscious being

your images

yet all that i am capable of is creating new ones

fabricating various play by plays of places that we travel to

and names we call our children

and

destines that await us...

yet,

now with eyes wide open

i am reminded that

you

are not mine

that

you

chose not me

that

you

love another each night

that

a we could never be

and i am forever lost in the

unknown space

between the

dot dot dot.

imaginations

i love you.

Afraid to say it before hand

But now as days pass

And turn into weeks

Transforming

Into months

No longer can I deny the

Emotions that well up

Inside of me.

Each time I see you,

Hear your name, and touch you...

Emotions there since

Catching your eye that

Fateful day

Phrases like

"love at first sight"

Cannot comprehend the

Emotion

Desire

That I have to give you

All

Of

Me...

You

You

We.

I will be your all.

I will be the all that you have

Yet to envision.

I want to hold you.

Encourage you.

Believe in us.

As I

Dream of the day that

Our spirits can kiss again...

I live in incessant dreams

Which overpower me...

I live in fantasies each night

Imagining you

Laying next to me

Then

Awaking to the realities of

Loneliness again and again

And again

And...

As I see the body laying next to mine

That is not yours

Emptiness surrounds me

And I am left to find

Solace in the

Imaginations

Of you.

the ugly truth

is it fear that keeps prevents halts you from loving me?

he was supposed to be my dream, my every dream answered

he was meant to answer the calls of my heart and

put aside my every hidden fear, live in my embrace, and caress me in his.

yet, as of late all that surrounds me is

emptiness

so desperately I yearned for his touch, kiss, and love

so long I waited

with

too many nights spent creating tear-stained sheets consumed with bitterness

and

disappointment

and in this now i fear that my love for him has diminished…

if this is true then what did I really have?

does love, can love

fade as quickly as the sounds those three words make as they escape one’s lips?

i once believed true, unquestioning love was only strengthened by distance

and reaffirmed by words unspoken

yet as these minutes metamorph into days all I ache for is to be loved

loved equally. loved passionately. loved physically.

his kisses no longer ellicit feelings of clouds and sunshine

i no longer smile on the inside when I hear his name

no longer catch my breath in that space between that space

i fear what this could mean

i fear

because

his fear is present

and

has left me falling

into

uncertainty.

examine your truth: what are you afraid of?

Past Tense Present

so quickly i fell

into depths unknown

yet unafraid

of what lay

waiting behind your smile

waiting in your caress

waiting

subconsciously aware of your

open arms

waiting

for my touch

waiting

for my arrival

waiting

for a love in its purest form

love

me loving you loving me

loving

this love was there before

you knew my name

before

i knew your scent

was there

before

we first embraced.

Free Love

Since the days of prehistoric times when means of communication was relegated to drawings on cavernous walls, love was expressed through dowries being exchanged, and marriages were the joining of two families rather than solely two souls they have said nothing in this world is free. They said. They said one couldn’t receive without first giving. They said one of life’s biggest joys was when two individuals cleaved to each other and created bliss. Yet, as of late, this age-old theorem has been threatened. As revolutionaries did with the Iron Curtain, new-age thinkers have dismantled the seemingly indestructible and indomitable walls of what love is supposed to look, taste, feel, sound, and be like.

It is as if the word ‘monogamy’ has been eradicated from our consciousness. Now, words such as polyamorous abound and people wholly dedicate themselves to multiple partners. Polyamory is the philosophical and emotional state of being in love or romantically involved with more than one person at a time. In layman’s terms, it is the loving and giving totally of one’s self to various partners without restriction or reservation. This lifestyle is meant to be freeing, unquestioning, and satisfying. More specifically, it is meant to answer the innate, dare I say animalistic, desire of all humans to be unrestrained and unbridled with their sexual appetite.

I cannot help but conjecture what Sigmund Freud would say about this Movement. Would he declare that humans are finally obeying the clandestine desires of their Id, or would he proclaim that we have perhaps gone too far in our quest for sexual freedom?

Is it truly our innate desires finally being heard and answered or is it a stronger pull for instant gratification on a more primal level? Followers of this movement claim that being free is what we all yearn for and they are the brave ones who have answered that call. My question is simply this: is this Free Love Movement truly the answer to our primal needs or is it, more sadly, a reaction to our deepest fear: commitment.