my heart is heavy.
so many thoughts, feelings
compromised emotions, and forbidden fears have appeared
nestled itself at the forefront of my consciousness.
i have yet to make sense of it all.
i have yet to understand the
the heaviness of this
more than just weight and pain
upon, throughout, encompassing me,
i bleed publicly and no one cares to ask why.
no one cared,
and so i bled privately.
behind the public faces
behind the mask and walls, my strong face
pain courses through these veins
and now intercourse with my
their offspring is
fear is my companion, my best friend.
i fear all that was to give me support,
i fear the words of loved ones,
i fear, love.
i fear, myself.
and as much as i tell others and tell myself
i fear that i simply do not know the self which stares back at me.
who am i?
i am a ball of confusion
no one wants to see. this.
no one wants the truth,
and so i remain behind by facade
i keep hidden
so that the others will see and find solace
in the lies i have fashioned into their