Deafening Silence - 2/30

desperate cries go unheard

un-cared for

unnoticed.

no one cares. no one is present nor aware of this

struggle.

mind locked in solitary confinement

pain doubt confusion lies

i. am. alone.

alone

left

screaming

pleading

yelling

pleading

but no answer.

doesn't anyone hear me?

can't anyone feel me?

feel what i endure time and again after time

disconnected and ashamed,

i remain

screaming.

and then i realize

it's all in my head.

Desolate - 1/30

i reached.

reached for your touch

hoping, yearning to touch more than your empty space.

for, i wanted to hold you close,

and say I Love You's,

whisper sweet somethings into your soul,

lay claim to your future ,

and call it ours.

but you never wanted to love

only use.

unknowingly, i fell into your labyrinth

the lies you crafted around my heart held me captive

with each uttered word and glance provoked

i danced, sung, cried for you

unable to free myself from your embrace.

energy gone.

spirit diminished.

soul broken.

there is nothing left but desperation

and a tear-soaked spirit questioning, why?

asking God, why?

but there was only silence.

and then...

you reached for me

gave me your body and heart

promised me your soul and future.

your love for me became

genuine,

pure,

unequivocally true

but when i touched you

i felt

nothing.

reminisce

I'll always remember the time you touched my heart
No one has ever entered so deep so far

But then you pushed me to the limit made me to hurt
And I tried.
I try to forget you but I always remember the pain
Its you its all just you in me.
Don't want so much don't need you more

but I always remember

That I no longer receive your love.
Sad and empty, I cry. Desperate and alone, I cry.
Remember, I used to be just all yours...

I. Wanted.

Wanted you to be someone special,
wanted you to be someone pure
wanted you with understanding
wanted you to be more.
More
than a treat
more
than my heart
more
than something special...

I yearned for you to be all mine with no false securities

just wanted you to be you for me alone.

Irreplaceable feeling

Untraceable desires
Wanted pleasurable things with you
More than a dim lite fire.
You, me wanting, watching pausing waiting yearning earning needing each other.
Love.

goodbye, love

i know how to do it but i just don't love

the morning after walk of shames that leaves a shamed taste

on microscopic taste buds filled with your scent

a shamed taste on sweet lips guilty of truths never told of

hidden details behind a curtain to present

a present of mystery beneath the

ebb and flow

beneath the folds of this beautiful flower

budding with possibilities, capabilities of enthralling another

i grow towards the door every time i dream of the radiance of your sun

and envision dancing upon the embrace and deep currents

of your heart beating love rapid currents

fluttering our souls dear do we embark upon the seed of intention

with each passing flutter,

more real than the last,

more intoxicating to the touch,

more alive than before,

i cannot help but give in

how do we stop the start of yes when there isnt any no?

i know how to but i just dont love

walking away from your touch

miscarried

joy has transformed into sorrow

my tears and bitterness fall

staining my cheeks washing away my smile.

you have left me empty once again.

no longer will i dream of spending quiet moments with you

no longer will i yearn for our souls to meet on that kindred plane

where nothing else remains

where there is no remnant of the implausible of doubt nor shame

for i see your truth

and it is barren.

like winter trees

barren.

like the woman with the issue of blood

barren.

barren yet continually pushing out her love and hope for another who is willing to see past her faults

past the hidden mistakes and secrets

and look into the possibility of a new creation.

i reached for you, for your heart, for a touch

only to be shunned once again.

for you,

pain was endured

for you,

hours of contractions one after another

yet,

this love

miscarried.

now i lie alone, staring into space eternal...

Glass Slipper

i thought these feelings for him were

over.

done with.

done away with.

swept under the rug.

never to be experienced again.

yet, over and again

panoramic images, thoughts

envisions of us

re-emerge in my mind.

envisions of what we could be and do have surfaced

now reside at the crescent of my consciousness

why?

why does this never cease to fade and stay away...

is it because the one that now holds my hand

is slowly pulling away

is slowly removing himself from a pictured us...

why do i feel a stronger connection with each passing glance,

and intermittent touch?

each exchange of words connect us further than

ever previously imagined.

truthfully,

in pure honest form,

i look forward to encounters with him

i anticipate seeing him physically and

look forward to the metaphysical plane that we dance upon.

secretly,

i await the moment for his lips to touch mine

and for that instant,

that moment,

watch all fears and questions and doubt

dissipate into

time suspended.

Sometimes, Sh*t's Real

"do you want to spend forever with me"

he implored

as our eyes met in the dark

and rekindled an affection that was soon to be extinct

soon to be blown out by turbulent winds and distrustful eyes of those around.

a lifetime.

"do you want to spend forever with me?"

a lifetime.

how do i answer?

how am i to answer

knowing that I believed his love to be true

and that our love emerged during

beginningless time

Yet

all he was filled with were lies

he filled my heart

lie upon lie upon false truths

made promises never intended to be kept

and

never even knew what love truly was, is, and can be.

and so now the I alone remains

and as i in solitary sit in this dark space only one question remains:

how am i to spend forever with you when you never intended to spend one year with me,

never intended to spend a pure moment with me,

with an us in the making?

Things. Fall. Apart.

confusion

pain and disappointment now reside where

i falsely believed

love and comfort once lived.

night after morning after night i

stared at a distant love

distant

i questioned why?

why your side of the bed remained empty

cold

and now all that stares back at me is an ugly truth

your. ugly. truth.

you have stifled me with your filth

your intangible, fleeting self.

a self that is shamed and afraid by the prospect of something as true as pure as my love

as pure and as true as what i longed to give you

longed to sing songs for lovers only for you.

now, nothing else remains

but hope and

a life's time still searching for its prototype

searching for truth manifested in physical form.