Quotation of the Day -Marvelous Ecstasy

"I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger as reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over me. Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls." --Anais Nin

Quotation of the Day -The Poetic Revolution

"The poet or the revolutionary is there to articulate the necessity, but until the people themselves apprehend it, nothing can happen ... Perhaps it can't be done without the poet, but it certainly can't be done without the people. The poet and the people get on generally very badly, and yet they need each other. The poet knows it sooner than the people do. The people usually know it after the poet is dead; but that's all right. The point is to get your work done, and your work is to change the world." --James Baldwin

Heavy Faces - 17/30

my heart is heavy.

so many thoughts, feelings

compromised emotions, and forbidden fears have appeared

and

nestled itself at the forefront of my consciousness.

i have yet to make sense of it all.

i have yet to understand the

significance

grandeur

the heaviness of this

weight.

more than just weight and pain

upon, throughout, encompassing me,

i bleed.

i bleed.

i bleed publicly and no one cares to ask why.

no one cared,

and so i bled privately.

behind the public faces

behind the mask and walls, my strong face

behind myself,

i bleed.

pain courses through these veins

and now intercourse with my

strength.

their offspring is

fear.

fear is my companion, my best friend.

i fear all that was to give me support,

i fear the words of loved ones,

i fear, love.

i fear, myself.

and as much as i tell others and tell myself

i fear that i simply do not know the self which stares back at me.

who am i?

me?

i am a ball of confusion

burning bright

burning, secretly

burning, steadily

no one wants to see. this.

no one wants the truth,

my truth.

and so i remain behind by facade

i keep hidden

so that the others will see and find solace

in the lies i have fashioned into their

truth.

Truth's Angst - 16/30

i am afraid.

i fear.

i live in fear.

fear has become my roommate, my companion.

before i was terrified of naming it,

this consumption.

but what is the use of lying,

of hiding,

pretending that what is there isn't.

what is the use?

i fear that i will be like the women in my family

women who give so much of themselves to others,

who are successful, but

nonetheless

are women without love.

i fear that i will become like them

and

be left alone.

i don't want to be alone.

i don't want to endure life with walls surrounding

and no one willing nor capable to penetrate them.

i fear.

i fear that i am not good enough,

that i am insufficient,

that i lack,

that i will never be the one

that is chosen.

that is loved.

ellipses, revisited - 15/30

(feel the need to repost this. its words are ringing true right now..)

you.

these words are inadequate

my

thoughts are meaningless

for they fail to grasp the

entirety of my emotions for

you.

all i seem to do is contemplate on the

could have beens

the

supposed connection which lies between us two

which seems to only exist in my mind

yet,

what am i to make of the engaged-in conversations

when we share the space alone?

how am i to explain away

the way you can see and know me

without an exchange of words?

what am i to make of your touch

and

the way you caressed more than my face

as we explored that forbidden kiss?

you.

you are

my dot dot dot

you.

you are

my question mark

you.

are not mine.

with each passing day i

make attempts at forgetting you

attempt

to erase images from my subconscious mind

and conscious being

your images

yet all that i am capable of is creating new ones

fabricating various play by plays of places that we travel to

and names we call our children

and

destines that await us...

yet,

now with eyes wide open

i am reminded that

you

are not mine

that

you

chose not me

that

you

love another each night

that

a we could never be

and i,

i am forever lost in the

unknown space

between the

dot dot dot.

Feelings - 14/30

love me, not your fears.

Quotations of the Day - Perception and Awareness

"I felt that even when they were polite they hardly saw me, that they would have begged the pardon of Jack the Bear, never glancing his way if the bear happened to be walking along minding his business. It was confusing. I did not know if it was desirable or undesirable..."

-Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man

"I am an invisible man. No, I am not a spook like those who haunted Edgar Allan Poe; not am i one of your Hollywood-movie ectoplasms. I am a man of substance, of flesh and bone fiber and liquids-and I might even be said to posses a mind. I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me."

-Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man